My other half dosent get it and keeps going on and on about it. If your spouse has been going through such a patch, you must be a supportive husband post-pregnancy. That lie: its not important, only if you want it. I will probably need to work into my 70s or as long as I am able. Ive even had the gumption to suggest that if HE doesnt desire sex, then maybe he could still give me pleasure. If your wife avoids intimacy constantly, paying attention to the emotional bond you share with her may be a good starting point. A woman needs to hear that over and over again, or else she will think that you don't love her anymore (it's contrary to most men, who can be told a thing once and. Answers where we can talk about it or Im busy right now. I miss the simple things. She asked me to get castrated because Sex is hurting her. Empathy builds into emotional intimacy, and often this is what she needs first before opening up to something physical. I just cant keep going like this. Please enable JavaScript to view the comments powered by Disqus. A woman may lose interest in sex, even in a happy marriage, if the sex does not bring her sexual pleasure. When you first met her you were in an OTHER zone. From so many different angles I cannot begin to list. That being said, my wife and I married young. This put stress on things as did a lack of acceptance from my mother, to my Wife, until she died at 97. I get tired of waking up because I realize Im having an erotic dream and humping the bed. !, so we better act tough, ya know! Ya over 40 years with out not a problem. Many of these comments are a breath of fresh air. Thank you for indiviualizing yozr response. If she senses youre blaming her for something, shell go on the defensive. Ive been led to believe Im the selfish one for thinking of leaving just over sex. Women want to be swept off their feet. Be loving. The Journal of Environmental Research and Public Health published a study that found low levels of self-esteem harmed a womans sexual functions. I am fairly attractive and I. My husband spent hundreds of hours on his phone coming up with scenarios to cope with a diagnosis of peyronies that has impacted our ability to have sex, but has never once gone to you tube to figure out how to give me an orgasm! he will not give me a divorce so yes take a lover if you need too cause feeling wanted, desired, and loved, is like food we all need it and deserve it! But dont give up! Or should I just accept her celibacy and masturbate when I need release? What to do about it: Make time to emotionally connect with each other and rekindle your soul connection. Take care of your body and mind! It is an axiom of mate selection in nature that males display and females choose. There are books that can help guide you. But he keeps wanting to try and work on it and cant seem to accept that Im changing as I grow old. About 10 % Love 90% Hate. If men put in as much energy they put in sneaking around spending money on hookers and put all of his energy on his wife by taking 50% of the household chores and helping his wife out with the kids and having him spice up their sex lives you will see more action in the bedroom then before as long as you are sweet and loving towards her you will always get lucky. I love her but I need/miss sexual relations, which she's not into. Add Cialis if you want solid tree trunk hardness. My wife and I are in our 60s, very active and in good health. It is not the loss of testicles as much as the loss of the prostate gland. A womans lack of interest in physical intimacy can be quite an intriguing puzzle to solve. Take care. Guys. What to do about it: If you've talked about all the other reasons on this list and mutually feel great about your relationship (talk to her about thisdon't assume! What r u holding on for?! Hormonal changes, which can start as early as your 20s, can also be root causes of low sex drive. There is simply no point in brushing the problem under the carpet. I hate her for cheating me out of sex. When she was in the mood, my wife really enjoyed sex and had great orgasms, but that mood hit less and less frequently. Adding, However, just because your wife avoids physical contact doesnt necessarily mean theres bound to be infidelity involved. Therefore, building and maintaining an emotional rapport is extremely essential not just for a robust sex life but also for the overall health of the relationship. . If you guys love your wives and wanna stay till death and your having problems with containment, I lost all desire because I have no testosterone so its been a God send to me. Both 39 years oldI just suffer in silence. Ive tried all the normal things too. Honey I can assure you 100% hes not doing without sex hes at the prime age to have sex I couldnt tell you why he didnt wanna have sex with you but Im going through the same thing with my wife. Thrown into menopause way too young. Mostly sexless for ten years and when I talk to her she just says, Im not attracted to you anymore, so get a girlfriend. My wife and my sex life was pretty damn good before she developed breast cancer and had a double mastectomy, even though she went through early menopause (in her 40s). }; My husband has showed be very no closen in for years. If you have always been the one to initiate intimacy in your relationship, take a step back and tell her how sexy you think it would be for her to be the one to reach out. He expects lunch and dinner to be made for him every day, He drinks beer by the gallon and he gives nothing to this marriage. 2nd doctor also said the same thing. What should the husband do. Women have all these excuses and fare enough many of them are legitimate but some of it is disconnecting. You are not catering to her sexual needs, How To Survive A Sexless Marriage Without Cheating, build a successful relationship after cheating, communication exercises with your partner, 10 Things To Do When You Are Drifting Apart In Your Relationship. If I wish to continue my marriage , I guess I should just accept the situation and carry the cross of feeling unsatisfied. Yes! Get your answer. Q: My wife, late 40s, has been experiencing early menopause for a couple of years. You cannot force desire no matter what you do or if it is the other partner, same thing. our belief of *how* we should act and behave . Over time, expressions of love change form and that unbridled passion can begin to dull down. LoL. That was pretty much the end of a normal sex life, He had a horrific childhood, beatings, a suicidal mother (she cut her wrists in front of her children), infidelity on both sides. Regards Glenn. Huddle up with your wife and ask, If there were something you could change about our sex life, what would it be?. This can lead to her becoming physically and emotionally distant in the marriage. Oh my goodness you sound so defeated. But whatever you do, never go to therapists. Is it me or does it seem like sex therapists and experts are lacking, some seem hedonistic? As someone who has now gone over 6 years without any contact more intimate than a hug I can tell you it is a relationship killer. And cheating isnt an option either. 2009 - 2023 MindBodyGreen LLC. Back issues and menopause have completely removed my interest in sex. As if I was only there as a sperm donor. They can go months and years without sex and then the menopause hits and then theyre completely done. Is this the same advice you would give a man that is in a sexless marriage? If your vagina is dry, find out why. He thinks that his low testosterone is the cause of his actions or lack of. If he wont go, go on your own to express your feelings fully and evaluate whether you want to be in this marriage and, if so, what can be done to improve it. I do, however, feel like absolute shit about the negative impact on my husband who is six years younger than me and who has always had a high (higher than mine, anyway) sex drive. So in summary, WHAT ARE THE OPTIONS IN THIS KIND OF SITUATION? The last time I had sex was in 1997. Womens inherent nesting instinct naturally shifts their focus to family and kids, and this may, in turn, affect the mind space she can allocate to you and sexual desires. There are ways to maintain physical intimacy while someone undergoes treatment for ED. To some it may even taste nasty. Will not do anything about it.. Refuses everything and anything to do with sex. I rest my case. Sh. The frequency began to dwindle a few years back and now has been more than a year since we have had sex. We went to a therapist who separated us and I thought that might help her confidence. Do you feel my wife never initiates intimacy? You cant really blame her, can you? Subscribe now (do it here) and dont miss a single column. While some of the underlying factors can be weeded out with the right approach and mindset, others can be more damaging to the entire relationship. Weve been married for 27 years and have 3 adult children. Hopefully, you now know just what to work on, with the help of the reasons why your wife never initiates physical contact. Is it something we should split over? This is really excellent advice. We just share our acerage, her in the house and I have a place with my dettached out building. For example, nonsexual touching, which includes kissing, cuddling, and hand-holding, can make people feel . we always believe that we are being judged . She consulted with her doctor who recommended hormone treatment and her research on cancer had her rejecting that avenue. I wish I would catch my wife cheating or even semi cheating. Like Nike says, just do it. The children I mention are my children from a prior marriage and I do 100% of everything for them without any help from her. Porn is the no. As sex therapist Vanessa Marin, LMFT, once told mbg, "There's a two-way relationship between relationship satisfaction and sexual desire.". If his wife doesn't want to meet those needs, she should support him getting them met elsewhere or just set him free . Scented coconut oil is a great way to give her a message. Sorry long diatribe. Also from a masculine point view primordial guttural sex that is still controlled contributes to female orgasim. Addie,maybe we should trade spouses.lol.im in the same boat you are.i love to get intamate and hug and kiss and cuddle.my wife 0.unreal.she told me the other day she dont even like sex anymore after we had it.how nice to say that.unreal. When a woman has to live with her in-laws, its a major change from the way she had been living before. Nothing before marriage, nothing on our wedding night and little to nothing for the next 46+ years. But it isnt. I guess I must count my blessings. This so frustrating at times. Some get away with a happy one. how do i tell him that in this life, especially for them both, there is more to life than just sex. If it were just about sex, I wouldve left a long time ago. Then, I got a highly aggressive, estrogen- fired breast cancer. If theres resentment in the marriage, its bound to manifest itself in a sexless marriage. When emotional intimacy dies a slow death in your relationship, its possible that it could signal an affair. Then we got married and had kids (not that I regret) but 20 years of pulling teeth juts to get touched or even desired really hurts. I like the martyr thing, but its no B.S. Send Joan your questions by emailingsexpert@seniorplanet.org. It hard to bud out. Sure I wish I could be confident in her skin too but Im not going to let it overwhelm me. This is when a person is so sensitive to touch that they try to avoid being touched by another person because of the pain it causes them. This causes them to shy away from physical intimacy. She needs you to see the world from her eyes and to understand her perspective. Nowadays due to the requirement of Adult Mens Sex Toys, different kind of online retailer store like Lovecubby available for a variety of high-quality sex toys for men & women that everyone can love. Sometimes the answers are only inside of us. So, your wife has told you that her ex didn't treat her that well, yet she chased him. Ask your wife about how she's feeling about the relationship, about you, and about your life together, and see how you can get your relationship back to a good place. Emotional intimacy and physical intimacy go hand in hand. We are all misogynistic pigs that just need a hole for our poles. Between her legs the next time.4, stop watching porn if you know this makes her feel uncomfortable as we all know when men watch porn that will lead into you not being able to get it up for her because you have been watching photoshops porn and all you want is that fake lady so you go out and cheat on your wife then come home and accuse her of cheating and thats why she is not having sex with you. about this, nothing will change. She displays no interest at all and hasnt for years. The last time we had sex with lubrication, she complained of pain and suggested that beyond a few minutes, she was not interested. Awful!!! Put simply, she needs me as a caregiver and husband, as our son and 5 grand kids moved away for church school 2 years ago. You treat her well, and she shows no interest in you. She told me a few years ago that she felt sorry for me because of her lack of sexual desire. It could mean that your wife is experiencing changes in her mental health or there is an unresolved issue in your relationship. I am not the same, never will be. She started the menopause change about 3 years ago, however sex prior to that was maybe every few months for probably 7 years. I am a married woman of 69 and my husband (also 69) lost all interest in sex quite some time ago. Damn was I a dumbass. I think he wanted to stay in his marriagemainly I think b/c his wife earns well (makes more money than him). I appreciate there are many reasons MANY reason wives dont want sex and No one can or should force them to have to sex. My husband and I are working on these issues now, and it takes some serious ,painful discussion. The two C words! 16 years being married. Once menopause hit her desire for sex evaporated. Basically though, he refuses to talk about this issue with me or anyone else, namely a doctor/therapist, and claims he likes our life the way it is. Are you crazy? . He keeps saying hell do better, but nothing ever happens! Hi, Nice advice. Our sex life slowed, separated, and each found partners. I dont want and will not ever get a divorce. I cant make the same wages I did before my illness, but added to my retirement money, it can get close. If your wife avoids intimacy and this lack of intimacy is beginning to take a toll on your marital bliss, it is time to have an honest conversation with your spouse. My father and grandfather were active sexually(we discussed) into their late 70s. What to do about it: Address the ongoing conflicts in your relationship. Truthfully, the solo routine is rather old. We might as well bring up the time tested alternative. Good luck. My wife never initiates any form of Intimacy let alone Sex. Do they shrink with age? Am I undesirable? My wife determined several years ago that she no longer has that connection to me, and will eventually leave. Would you expect your wife to attach as much emotional significance to cooking dinner as to making love? goodluck! EXACTLY!!! Sex is a HUGE part of a marriage, are you kidding me? 35 Sweet Things To Say To Your Wife To Make Her Go Awww! We received a relationship query from a man who wanted to spice things up with his wife of 29 years, but was struggling to make headway because of the spouses inhibitions. Im a 66 year old man whos been in a sexless marriage for 33 years. I just accept that I could not control it and that it is Gods will for me. Still, I was ready to jump back into things in the bedroom.